Kind of back and kind of not

by Valhall

I have created this temporary wordpress blog while waiting for the new server to be created and the old content of The Hinky Meter is uploaded.

I have enjoyed the time away and taken the opportunity to spend valuable time with my ever-expanding family and to start counseling concerning the issues surrounding my father’s Alzheimer’s, his death, and his mistreatment by my mother.  It is helping a great deal to work through the resentment and anger I have over the situation.  It has helped me to get back to where I can continue to assist my mother in her last years/months/weeks or days…whichever comes first.  She needs me and I need to be there for her, so I just needed help getting myself to where I COULD be there for her.

What’s helped is to accept she’s nucking futs.  And she is!  My mother has effectively isolated her entire family including grandchildren.  I have one brother who absolutely can’t get past his resentment and anger and he’s very honest about it.  We all have to deal with these issues the best we can.  His is to avoid Mom until his wife pushes him to go visit on a holiday.  That’s okay….believe me, I understand.

BUT, the counselor I’ve been going to has helped me to place this in the right category.  Mom is sick.  Basically it allows me to give her an out….if you know what I mean.  It becomes a mantra, sort of.  If I spend time with her and she gets off on the sick business that is her fantastical obsession I just roll the phrase over and over in my head “she’s sick, she’s sick, she’s sick”, and I can get through it.  Her behavior, and the past events still cause me to become angry at times, but I just start my little chant and get through it and avoid her until the ire diminishes.  I’ve gotten to where I can go back and have lunch with her a couple of times a week…so it’s going well.

Another thing that helped is that I planted and tend a flower garden at Dad’s grave.  Dad died in the middle of an 18 month drought in Oklahoma.  The grass never could take root over his grave and the only thing trying to encroach on the barren dead ground were stickers.  So right before his 1st death anniversary I went and bought a lot of flowers and potting soil and planted him a garden.  Dad thought things like butterflies landing on special places were so neat and those were the kind of things he would share when I’d drop by (before he got real bad and could still communicate to some extent).  He’d act like seeing a butterfly land on his knee was the neatest thing he’d seen in years.  I spent the whole afternoon/evening planting his garden and before I could finish butterflies and bees were coming to visit Dad’s flowers.  I just thought to myself….oh, my goodness, Dad would love this.

We’ve been lucky this year in that we had a long spring with some good rains.  Now it’s brutally brutally hot and dry so my hubby and I go out every few days and water the flowers to keep them alive.  This all makes me feel better because I’m dealing with guilt issues.  I didn’t stand up to my mother.  I didn’t take the hard road and extricate my father from her dementedness.  My older sister and I have had many talks.  She asked me…did we do what was best for Dad?  I didn’t even hesitate…NO, we did not.  Now we have to live with that and work through it.

It feels really good to have an outside objective person that I can just talk to.  I really like my counselor.  She has a great sense of humor and at times we both laugh at the situation because my Mom’s behavior is truly ludicrous and if you don’t laugh, well, you hit bottom, emotionally, the way I was doing.  I think I was kind of bouncing actually…lol.  I had a confluence of really aggravating things:  our home burglary, the total apathy of the police about that crime, being screwed over by our insurance company (that was the worst part of the whole deal actually), my son was dealing with a psychotic wife who he allowed to isolate him from absolutely EVERYBODY in his family (thank God he’s out of that mess), concerns about my grandson, the issues about my Dad and Mom, and then, of course, the typical everyday stressors like work, taxes, money…blah blah blah….BOUNCE! BOUNCE!

Anyway, I’m back sorta kinda. site will be back up with all prior content reloaded, as promised.  Just can’t give you a date yet.  When you have to rely on someone who is doing everything for free, you kind of just get real grateful and patient.  So I’m not setting any timelines.

Until such time, I’ll just use this little wordpressy bloggity-blog.  I won’t be posting a lot…just when I feel like it.  The Hinky family has moved on and found homes and I’m glad for that.  I miss them, but there are so many awesome crime-following sites out there that I know they most likely all found a good home in some corner of the uni-net and are posting away at the worrisome crimes that continue to take place.

Speaking of which….yes, I snickered when George Zimmerman and his wife got tossed in the slammer for lying about funds.   And I laughed out loud when slimey-assed Bob Bashara finally got arrested.  Thank God and Greyhound…I had started worrying, but there appears to have never been any reason to worry.  The combination of God’s good graces and Bob’s utter stupidity fixed everything!

See you later…